Schlepping Cameras

It's what I do. I am a bonafide camera schlepper.

Sometimes I try to reach out to others in the photographic community. And oftentimes, I am disappointed. Some of you people have the haughtiest egos I've ever come across.

And I thank you for that, because my humility keeps me grounded. Keeps me focused on constantly improving, learning, and exploring. You remind me that it's important to be self-aware, and to re-asess myself on a regular basis.

I often dislike being called a 'Photographer', because people immediately speak to me differently when they find out what I 'do'. It's so close to being called an 'artist' and the reaction is about the same. For some, they are intrigued, interested, or have a common interest and want to quiz me on gear, lighting, shooting style, f/stops, or whatever photog lingo they've picked up (or know by heart). It's always refreshing to find someone who knows much more than I do. Others, however, scoff and scowl. It must be akin to what Van Gogh felt prior to slashing off his ear - I get looked at with utter disregard, disgust, etc. It's almost dehumanizing. In those moments, I'm not a girl. Or a woman. Or a mother. I'm a pimple on their ass. Something filthy, annoying and unwanted.

The thing is, I totally understand that there is a stereotype involved, here, and people react to the term 'photographer' based on their personal experiences. I am not a huge studio who charges close to $1k (or more) for staged, perfectly lit portraits. Also, I am not Olan Mills. I am of a whole other entity altogether, which is often baffling to older people and duplicated to a sickening extent among the young.

Where did the stereotype come from? Was it the rude, pushy and grouchy old men wedding photographers? The snooty, uber-expensive boutique lady photographers who put your babies in angel wings or wheelbarrows? The pissy Olan Mills customer service rep who has absolutely zero knowledge about photography? The relentless paparazzi, the determined photojournalists?

I'm not sure exactly where the negative connotation originated; perhaps an amalgamation of all of the aforementioned personalities.

Sometimes I worry that I'm not good enough to do this for a living. To be a photographer. That my work doesn't stand up against the criticism, the negativity, or the bad attitude. And I work harder. And I avoid eye contact.

For now I'm just saying that I schlep cameras.